The period between Christmas and New Years is always a time for reflection on the passing year for me. I will usually read all of my journal entries from the past year and take it all in.
I wouldn't say 2023 was a bad year for me but I would say that it was a rough year, a trying year. There were a lot of amazing things that happened, things to be proud of yet there were also horrible and traumatic things that happened.
Let's start of with some of the good:
In terms of writing I can be nothing but proud of myself. I managed to complete NaNoWriMo despite having a huge workload at uni and a lot of things going on in my personal life. I did not think I would be able to get to the big 50 000 words but I did it. Of course that book isn't finished but it was a massive achievement. Really a testament to my own determination. I look forward to finishing Love Letter to the Night in 2024.
I also completed Prince of the Sun on Honeyfeed. I will be posting an edited version of it on Wattpad within the New Year. I wrote that whole novel start to finish in 3 months I believe. I'm also extremely proud of that as well.
But that is not all. I also did a lot of world building work. I finally wrote up the magic system that I use within my novels. In the past it would just all be in my head and now I have something I can actually reference and build upon. I also did a complete overhaul of the mythical world, creating a new Pantheon and rewriting surrounding lore. The first and most important reason will reveal itself later in this post. Secondly, stepping back from what it was made me realise that it was a bit random to be shoving Werecats, Fae and other mythical creatures into Greek Mythology. It felt a little bit like fan fiction. I love Greek Mythology so much and will always continue to be inspired by it and have a thirst to learn more of it. So it is sad to step away from it in a creative sense but it doesn't mean in the future I can't write something related to it. And I certainly have plenty of books that have fun with it. And thirdly, the mythical world had Vampires and Werecats and Fae and Magic and the Entirety of Greek Mythology. It felt very bloated and probably confusing for those who were stepping into the world for the first time. To be honest I didn't use the Greek Mythology part enough to justify having it sit in the background. Having a new set of Gods that are personalised to the myths that I actively used just makes so much more sense. Rather than trying to shape the Greek gods into something that they were never intended to be. There is so much in Greek Mythology it really doesn't need more. I felt like I have gutted a huge part of my mythical world but despite some changes that I still need to make to stories that exist within the older versions, I think my writing will become so much stronger, world more interesting and original and I don't have to defile the Greek gods.
Despite how busy I was this year I was able to read more books than any year before or at least since I started recording my reading on Goodreads. One of which was, I think probably the longest book I have ever read. Also a new obsession of mine. The Secret History. I completely fell in love with that book and I just want to talk about it with everyone I know.
In my own personal life I was able to make way more time for friends that I felt like I had neglected in the past years. Those friendships are stronger than ever now. I was even able to visit my best friend who had moved to Perth and also plan to see her again in the New Year. I did really fun cosplays and group cosplays with my friends. Had so much fun at cons this year.
I also got to meet all of Trash Taste, be part of a probably upcoming special and a live episode all at DreamHack. Literally a dream come true for me.
Kinda a cursed photo but it's framed on my wall. Getting a photo with all three members of Trash Taste is so rare I truly consider it the SSR of Trash Taste photos.
The Bad: A lot of the more negative things that happened were quite personal to me. But there was one thing that really framed this whole year for me.
A friendship break up.
Over the course of the year I've come such a long way with this. From having to live with her not knowing why she hated me so much and being scared to ask why. Having panic attacks coming home and being completely isolated so I didn't "gossip" or bad mouth her to anyone in my life. So her reputation wouldn't be ruined in the eyes of people in my life.
To moving away from her, the friendship being over then learning that she had done the worst thing she could have possibly done. The lowest of the low and she went there.
To fading her, my hurt and my anger down to something in the background. To the point when I saw her in public I wasn't bothered. Finding my own closure in the relationship.
Though this year I have come to realise how detrimental the relationship was, well before it even fell apart. All of what she had me believe about myself just wasn't true. Friendships don't last if both parties aren't willing to make the effort. Friendships don't last if hard conversations are not had.
Yes, she did one of the worst things she could do to me but now what? Now that I've overcome that she can't go any lower. Once someone has done the most hurtful (legal) thing that they can do to you and you have worked through all of the anger and hurt towards it, they are completely disarmed. They don't have any power over you. In a sense I am glad she did it, I don't have to worry about if she was going to do it in the new year. It also makes the relationship so much less complicated. The bridge is completely burned and there is no going back.
Closure is a powerful thing and for the longest time I thought I needed this one true answer as to why the relationship ended and why she would treat me in such awful ways. Yet the answer was never out there, it was never going to come from her. Closure came from myself and my own reflections. I don't need to confirm with her to be happy and satisfied with the closure that I have.
In conclusion:
I worked really hard this year and I have made some serious progress in a lot of areas. I wouldn't say that 2023 was a good year or a bad year. I would say it was a year of growth, great challenges for me to overcome.
Though there are some great uncertainties facing me in 2024 I am starting the year from a better point and I can't ask for much more than that.
Sarah A D 